#ItsTime
How do you know when it’s time?
“Can you ever be prepared to say a final goodbye, to a being that you love with all your heart and soul?
I don’t think so.” - Gone, But Never Forgotten
Our pets’ lives are shorter than ours. It’s a fact of life, and also, one the hardest things us pet parents will ever have to wrap our heads around.
“Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really.” - Agnes Sligh Turnbull
If we’re lucky, we’ll get to spend many years with them by our side, loving them, playing with them, holding them, kissing them and being loved unconditionally by them. Usually, there will come a day, when it will fall to us to make the ultimate decision.
It’s our responsibility. To return their love unconditionally, and to ease their pain, their anxiety, their brokenness and help them transition into the next life…whatever you believe that to be.
It’s truly one of the hardest decisions you will ever make in life. You’ll need to set your heart aside, for a moment, and use your head. There is no doubt that your heart will be broken into a million pieces. Over time, some of those pieces will heal, but there will always be a part that doesn’t quite heal, because your pet will have taken that piece with them.
Whether you’re facing a long, drawn-out disease, an out-of-the-blue emergency, failing of the organs or the deterioration of the mind, it all comes down to quality of life. How do you evaluate your pet’s quality of life, from a non-emotional place, and how can you help them go out with dignity?
Some of the factors you might consider when evaluating their quality of life:
- Can they move without pain? Can they get up and down easily?
- How are they eating and drinking? Are they excited about food?
- How are they sleeping? Do they get restful sleep?
- How is their anxiety? Do they have moments of calm, or are they anxious all the time?
- Are there activities they still love to do? Going for walks? Playing with toys?
- How’s the housetraining? Are they soiling their bed? Do they try to make it outside?
- Are they having more bad days than good?
We were blessed to have many years with both Joey and Pebbles. While each was a completely different situation, we knew that it was time, when their quality of life had declined.
With Joey, it was more of a physical situation. He struggled to stand and walk on his own. He wanted to so bad, but his brain and his body were just not communicating on the same wavelength anymore. Mentally, he was alert and aware of what was going on, which just made his frustration even worse.
With Pebbles, it was all mental. Physically, she was in great shape, especially for a 16 1/2 year old, but her mind…it had left her. She stopped sleeping at night, and just wanted to pace. She wasn’t finding joy in any of the things that used to bring her joy. Her anxiety and distress were more than she could handle.
Do I wish they both could have gone on living for many more years…without a doubt. But, when I set my heart aside, and used my head to look at the facts, I knew it was time. I knew that helping them leave their Earthly bodies was the best decision I could make for them. It was a decision made from love, with them in mind…not me.
Do I still question that decision? Of course, I do! How could I not? But, when I’m honest and truthful I ask myself, “Would dosing him up on heavy meds, making his brain foggy, giving him the ability to live but not exist…would that have been a life?” That answer is simple…No. That would have been extending his life, for me, not for him. – Gone, But Not Forgotten
Will you have some regrets? I think you will. We’re only human. We’re not perfect. We’re not all knowing. But, my hope for you, is that you’ve been able to rationally judge the situation. You will use both your head and your heart, and you’ll make the best decision you can for your pet. In the end, all we can do, is do our best.
Once you’ve made the decision, stick with it. Move forward knowing that you have made the right decision…and then use that remaining time to spoil them rotten!
I remember listening to someone talk about making the decision, and how you should make the decision and then stick with it. Just because they're having a good day, doesn't change the reason you made the decision in the first place. And, how lucky are you that your last day(s) with them get to be good days!
There is so much truth in that! We were blessed to have good "last" days with both Joey and Pebbles. Seeing them both so happy and active on those last days, gives us so many great memories to hold on to!
I’ve written more about our experience leading up to, during and after the decision to say Goodbye to Joey, in “Gone, But Not Forgotten – A Story of Love, Loss, Grief and Acceptance”.
I wrote this book in hopes that it would help others who are going through, or will be going through, the grief and pain of losing a loved one. We each handle our loss differently but knowing that there are others who have gone through, or are going through, something similar, can bring some relief to our broken hearts. Saying goodbye is a journey, a process, an experience that must be lived and coped with…may #MyMisterJoey’s story be a lifeline for you.
