#Grief
Grief.
grēf
noun
Deep mental anguish, as that arising from bereavement, or an instance of this. synonym: regret.
A source or cause of deep mental anguish.
Annoyance or frustration, or an instance of this.
Grief is such an individual thing. We all experience it in our own way and on our own timeline. You should never compare your grief to someone else’s, or even compare your grief in one situation to your grief in another situation. Just like snowflakes, each is unique and different.
But, also like snowflakes, grief is normal. It’s important to let your body and your mind go through the process of grief.
“Tears came often. Especially, when I was alone. Driving in the car was the worst. There was nothing I could do to occupy myself, and the grief would just knock me over.” - Gone, But Never Forgotten
The loss of your pet, your companion, your best friend, is huge! Your daily routines will be forced to change. Your anchor to time and place has suddenly been pulled up. You may feel lost, alone, sad and even angry.
What’s important is that you FEEL all of those emotions. Do not suppress them! Welcome them. Move through them. The only way to move through grief is to go through it.
“I had heard that it was important to allow myself to grieve, to cry, to feel sad. It’s an important part of the process, and that, if you deny yourself those feelings, you’ll never be able to work through them. So, that’s what I did!” - Gone, But Never Forgotten
But, it’s important to recognize, the goal is not to “get over” the death of your best friend, but to accept the experience into your life. To recognize that you did everything you can for them. That the days, months and years you had with them were amazing, precious and priceless. And, that those memories will last forever in your heart and your mind…and hopefully in your camera roll, as well!
The process will be a roller coaster, with ups and downs…moments that come out of nowhere and knock you over.
“For me, the first year was the worst. There were so many moments…birthdays, anniversaries, holidays where he wasn’t there with us. He wasn’t going to be part of the photos, or part of the celebration. Every moment was another first without him.” – Gone, But Never Forgotten
There will come a day when the thought of your sweet pet brings smiles and laughter to your face. When you’re able to tell stories about them, and remember them with happiness and joy.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you won’t also tear up while telling those stories. But, that’s okay. It’s more than okay! Welcome those tears, accept them as gifts for a life beautifully lived and a love that knows no end.
And, what if you don’t have tears? That’s okay, too! Also, more than okay. We each work through the process in our own way. Each different and unique.
The loss of Joey hit me hard. Now, that I can look back on it, I think there are a few reasons for that. He was our first…our first everything, which also meant he was our first loss. And, while he was up there in age, he seemed to be trucking along just fine. When the day came that he went to stand up and wasn’t able to, that moment seemed to come out of nowhere, catching us completely off guard.
While we had the gift of one extra week with him, his loss still came as a bit of a shock and unexpected. In response, my grief was deep and hard. Every moment without him was a loss, one that I struggled to accept. But, I remained committed. I accepted the tears as they came, and slowly…very slowly, I learned to live with my broken heart. To know that it was a gift.
“I had almost 17 years with him! Almost 17 years of moments that made me pull my hair out, made me smile, made me laugh, made me love him with every ounce of my being. And, I had only one single moment of sadness…the moment I said goodbye. Those 17 years of moments far outweigh that one single moment.” - Gone, But Never Forgotten
With Pebbles, making the decision, and the actual act of saying goodbye, was crushing. Every part of me hurt, as we made the decision, prepared for the decision and felt her take her last breath. But afterwards, the grief proved not to be as hard as it had been with Joey. Maybe it was because she wasn’t our first. Maybe it was because her decline had been such a long process. Maybe it was because she had changed so much, and picturing her whole and healed in heaven was such a blessing.
Whatever the reason, the grief has presented itself differently. That doesn’t mean I love her any less. Doesn’t mean her loss hasn’t been significant. It just means that I am in a different place, mentally and spiritually.
It’s important to remember. There is no schedule, timetable, rules or formula for grief. Each situation, each loss will be different, and we will approach each moment differently.
Be kind to yourself. Work through your grief, no matter what form it comes in. Just remember, don’t try to suppress it. Accept it. It is part of you. It is normal. It is healthy. You have given your love, your time, your devotion to a creature with a heart bigger than yours, and when they left, they took a piece of your heart with them…but, they also left a piece of their heart with you. What a gift!
I’ve written more about my experience with how I handled my grief in “Gone, But Never Forgotten – A Story of Love, Loss, Grief and Acceptance”.
I wrote this book in hopes that it would help others who are going through, or will be going through, the grief and pain of losing a loved one. We each handle our loss differently but knowing that there are others who have gone through, or are going through, something similar, can bring some relief to our broken hearts. Saying goodbye is a journey, a process, an experience that must be lived and coped with…may #MyMisterJoey’s story be a lifeline for you.
